Jokes Coming home from his Little League game, young Bobby swung open the front door very excitedly. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what had happened at his son's game. So, how did you do son? he asked. You'll never believe it. Bobby said. I was responsible for the winning run! Really? How did you do that? inquired his dad. To which little Bobby replied, I dropped the ball. When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Denver Broncos = Denver Donkeys Kansas City Chiefs = Kansas City Griefs Los Angeles Raiders = Los Angeles Faders San Diego Chargers = San Diego Rechargers Seattle Seahawks = Seattle Weehawks Cincinnati Bengals = Cincinnati Plaingels Cleveland Browns = Cleveland Clowns Houston Oilers = Houston Spoilers Pittsburgh Steelers = Pittsburgh Reelers Buffalo Bills = Buffalo Nils = Buffalo Spills Indianapolis Colts = Indianapolis Dolts Miami Dolphins = Miami Stallfins =Miami Soft Ones New England Patriots = New England Patsys New York Jets = New York Pets = New York Not Yets. Sports Jokes Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 18 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.49 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us." 155 156 158 163 164 167 196 198 207 209 210 219 220 227 232 233 236 2348 cool online stuff for your enjoyment My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods. “There,” said one of the golfers, “is a guy who hates to lose his ball!” 238 243 One day the devil challenged God to a baseball game. Smiling, God proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here." "Yes," snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires". 170 172 174 176 178 179 180 186 188 194 248 A man had great tickets for the Stanley Cup final game. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley cup final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?" He says, "Well, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup Final we haven't been together since we got married." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat? The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral." pro sports hall of shame home